My Surrogacy Birth Story

I was giddy. Beyond giddy. Ecstatic may be the right word. I was so tired of being pregnant and ready to get this baby out of me. At 39 weeks, I couldn’t imagine going another day. There was no medical reason she needed to come early, but the doctor said it was okay and we were ready to move forward. The parents rearranged their entire schedule to head over to Washington from New York a week early. 

I guess I should backtrack a little bit and start with, I didn’t expect to have much of an exciting birth story. I thought that labor would be cookie cutter (like my first pregnancy) and I would, as gracefully as you can, bring another child into this world. As we know, the universe likes to keep us in check and this story went a little different. 

Meeting the Parents 

Besides following the parents on Instagram and our weekly text check-in, I really hadn’t spent a lot of time getting to know them. When Abraham and I initially met them via zoom, we absolutely fell in love with them. Over the course of the pregnancy, there really was no reason to talk beyond updates for the baby girl. 

The parents arrived on Sunday, the day before the induction. 

After they arrived into town, we headed over to their Airbnb for dinner. I was so nervous about arriving too early that I made Abraham drive around the block a few times and then we ended up being a minute late (omg queue anxiety). We pulled into the driveway of their Airbnb and one of the dad’s came out to greet us. 

We hugged (calm down, we’ve all had COVID tests at this point) . It felt like I was hugging an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. 

When we walked into the house, it was instant. Hugs with the other dad, introductions to their son and then boom, we cliqued. I honestly don’t know that I’ve ever made a connection with people so quickly. Abraham either. You see, we’re just not really the peoply type (yes I know peoply isn’t  a word). But we just don’t make friends very easily and we’re really picky about who we let into our life. A similar feeling to when we first met them over zoom, but even more intense. 

We chatted like we were old friends just catching up and our daughter played with their son. For our kids, this is the first time either of them got to hang out with another kid in seven months and to say they were excited was an understatement. They ran around like crazy people, and that was fine. 

We sat and ate way too much pizza and talked until our eyes were glazing over from being so tired. This was only until around 9pm because I was preggo tired and they were still on New York time. 

As we headed home, my decision to carry a baby for this family was just affirmed. They were truly the most amazing people. 

The Day Of Induction 

My appointment to get induced wasn’t until 8pm that Monday. Yes, eight o’clock at night. Of course that didn’t stop me from waking up at 6am out of pure excitement. 

I didn’t have much to do for the day but tried to keep myself busy. We went for a walk in one of our local parks and grabbed some drive thru breakfast at a local coffee stand. I’m pretty sure I took a nap (I say pretty sure because I don’t entirely remember, but naps were very common in my pregnant life). I hung out with Sophia and she helped me make sure I had all the necessities in my hospital bag. 

I had a chiropractor appointment at 5pm. Had to make sure I was in alignment before the big event! To no surprise, my body was out of alignment and I got adjusted. My chiropractor has these amazing anti-gravity chairs you relax in after being adjusted. As soon as I sat down to relax and was tipped back, I started having a mild panic attack. 

What. The. Hell. I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in years. Even though I had struggled with anxiety in my young adult life, having an actual anxiety attack was very rare for me. As I laid there, my heart beating out of my chest, I tried my best to try and calm down. I could feel tears streaming down my face. God, I HATED crying. Quickly wiping them away before anyone could see me, thank god the room that you relaxed in was dim. I was able to compose myself by the end of my 15 minute rest. 

At the time, I was wondering where the hell that came from. I truly felt so excited about the birth and even after my little bout of anxiety, I still wasn’t stressed out about having to go in to be induced. Excited maybe, but not stressed. 

Looking back, I think this was one of my body’s many signs to me, that something was wrong. 

Getting to the Hospital 

By the time we arrived at the hospital, I was feeling perfectly excited again. I had forced the anxiety into its rightful place. Deep down in my feelings lock box where I hide all the bad feelings and ignore that there may be any problems. 

The parents arrived to drop off their overnight bag & baby’s bag in their hospital room. The hospital was quite amazing and accommodating. They had set us up in rooms right across from each other and could go back and forth as we please. We were so grateful, since we knew a lot of hospitals in the COVID-19 environment were not going to be as accommodating. 

The parents came over to visit for a little bit before they went back to the Airbnb to get sleep and kiss their son goodnight. As we chatted for a little bit, one of the dads very memorably said, “I just feel like she’s going to come fast.” He could not have been more right.

I got in my hospital gown and hooked up to the machines. One monitor for the baby’s heartbeat and one for contractions. They were trying to take my blood oxygen levels with a fingertip pulse oximeter and the machine just kept beeping an error code. I feel like this should have been my first indicator that the night was not going to go as planned, but we carry on. The nurse I had reminded me of one of my employees. Very soft spoken and had a calming presence to her. 

Once I was all hooked up, I was excited to see that I was already having little contractions! We were hopeful that maybe I had progressed. The nurse was taking a while to get everything set up so the dads headed out to go give their first little a kiss to sleep and get some rest themselves. One of them jokingly said, “I just hope we don’t have to be back here at 3am.” 

My excited feeling subsided when my cervix was checked and I was only dilated to 1cm and 40% effaced. I texted the parents and let them know. We all thought that we were in for a long night. 

Night at the Hospital 

The nurse started off by trying to get an IV inserted. I say try because it really was an adorable effort. Apparently I just have the most difficult veins because it took 3 different pokes before they finally gave up to go get an expert (By pokes I mean sticking in the needle and SEARCHING around for my vein). They ended up bringing in a seasoned ER male nurse that was about to take off for the night from his shift. Thankfully he inserted the needle in painlessly and was on his merry way. I still had scabs from the different Iv attempts almost 2 weeks after the birth. 

The plan was to start me off with Cirvidil (an itty bitty pill they stick up vaginally to help thin and dilate your cervix) and then Pitocin in the morning. When the nurse opened up this pill, it was the smallest pill I have ever seen. Smaller than a tic-tac. She said the hardest part about inserting it was just getting it to the vagina before it falls off her finger. And up it went to get everything going. 

The point of going in at 8pm is so that you can get your little pill inserted, sleep peacefully through the night and wake up to get your pitocin and proceed to have that baby! That’s cute. I was 39 weeks pregnant and I hadn’t slept comfortably for weeks. Now I was hooked up to 2 monitors and an uncomfortable IV port in my hand. 

The pill finally ended up being inserted around 11pm. I texted the parents that I would see them in the morning. 

Abraham and I hung out for a little bit and turned The Office on the iPad so we could doze off. He snuck me a Pop Tart that I had smuggled in my hospital bag since they wouldn’t let me eat once I was admitted. I remember having a really hard time falling asleep because I was so uncomfortable and anxious. I can still hear the sounds of the baby’s heartbeat while I tried to drift off to sleep. 

It’s almost unbelievable the pain that pitiful little pill would start causing. “You may start to have some cramping,” the nurse said. Okay, maybe the first couple were a light cramp, and honestly I was excited at that point because something was happening. The cramps continued to get more uncomfortable and I struggled to get comfortable in the bed. 

I somehow had fallen asleep but within a couple hours the cramps started to turn into contractions. I laid on my side and held onto the bed frame to brace and breath through them. The nurse was probably insanely annoyed with me. Every time I repositioned the heart rate monitor moved & lost the heartbeat so she would have to come in and re-position the monitor. 

By 2am I was getting contractions around every 5 minutes that were lasting about a minute. I would breath through the contraction and then drift off to sleep for a few minutes. 

Around 3am I was laying in bed breathing through a contraction. After it passed, I felt something coming down my vagina and felt it pass onto the bed. I thought my water broke. I got up out of bed to check what was going on and saw a blood clot the size of my fist on the bed along with a puddle of blood. Not registering anything was really wrong, and thinking I maybe lost my mucus plug, I called in the nurse. 

While waiting for the nurse I realized that blood was dripping down my legs. I looked down to see a pool of blood at my feet. My legs were shaking but I didn’t feel scared. At that moment, I still wasn’t registering that anything was wrong. The nurse got me cleaned up, my sheets changed and had me get back into bed while she went and got another nurse for a second opinion. 

I started to register that something may not be okay. After two different nurses came in to analyze the blood I had lost, they then brought the doctor in. She looked at the sheet I had soaked as well as all the towels it took to clean the blood up on the floor. By the time she got into the room, I had also bled more onto the bed. 

“So it looks like you’re having a placenta abruption. Essentially your placenta is prematurely detaching from your uterus causing the bleeding. We are going to need to get you in right away for an emergency c-section.” 

She started going on to explain more, but I didn’t hear her. Time stopped for a moment. My brain just started racing. The baby, was she okay? I turned to the monitor, her heart rate looked good and I could still hear it beating strong. The parents? Yes, I needed to tell the parents. All I wanted to know was when they were taking me in for surgery. I don’t think I even let the doctor finish her sentence before I asked Abraham to bring me my phone. My hand was shaking. 

I called one of the dad’s. 

Him: Hello? (definitely had just woken him up) 

Me: Hey! So, everything is totally fine. I started bleeding just a little bit and it sounds like the placenta is detaching from the uterus. They are going to need to take me in for an emergency c-section. 

Him: Okay, okay. How long do we have? 

Me: They said about 15 minutes 

Him: Okay, we’re on our way. Are you okay? 

At this point I was struggling to hold back tears. I said yes that I was fine & he assured me they were on their way right away and we hung up. 

I quickly pulled myself together as the contractions started attacking me. It was as if they started hitting me like a tsunami everytime they came around. They started coming hard and fast. About every 30 seconds and lasting for about 30 seconds. They were truly the most painful contractions I’ve ever experienced. It took everything in my being to breathe through them. 

As they prepared me for surgery, it felt as if I was outside of my body watching everything happen to me. 

They brought in another ER nurse to help with a 2nd IV (Lord, why!). He was luckily able to get it inserted pretty quickly and with one try, but in the midst of him working on inserting, I had 3 different contractions in which I had to hold my arm completely still. I thought he had left the room when I screamed “FUCK!” from the pain of the last few minutes. He made it out of the room yet. I apologized for shocking the poor man. 

People came in and out of the room. I had to sign several disclosures. Abraham had to sign one because I was incapable of raising my hand up in the midst of a contraction. The nurse came in and gave me a quick shave as well as some nasty shot of liquid to balance the PH in my stomach. 

The parents arrived shortly before they took me in for surgery. I was honestly so relieved to see them. It did bring me an enormous amount of peace in that moment knowing they would be at the hospital while I was in surgery and their baby girl was being born. 

I don’t remember much else, but they had to wheel me out of the room to be prepped in the Operating Room without Abraham. My contractions continued to roll in. I continued to breathe through them. 

We got into the OR and they helped me sit up on the table so I could get the spinal. I had almost three contractions while they were prepping. I was struggling. I really wanted to give up but I obviously couldn’t. My sweet nurse held my arms, looked me in the eye and said, “You are going to be okay. You got this.” I clung onto those words to breathe through the final moments of my final contraction and within a few seconds my pain started to drift away. Oh man I was happy. 

The nurses in the OR then helped me lay down and started prepping for surgery. I kept almost nodding off, I was so tired. The anesthesiologist would remind me that I couldn’t fall asleep and to keep my eyes open. I was so tired, so anxious and so scared. Then I saw Abraham come sit next to my side. For the first time in the last hour, I took a sigh of relief. 

The doctor proceeded to the surgery. I could feel the pressure of all the tugging. It felt like an eternity, but was probably about ten minutes. We held our breath as we waited for her to take her first. That beautiful baby cry rang out and I’m not even sure there are words that can capture that moment. I could finally breathe. I started crying and looked over to see Abraham tearing up as well. With the exception of my daughter’s birth, this was truly one of the most amazing moments of my life.

After Birth 

They cleaned up baby girl and wheeled her out to her parents. A moment I’m sad I missed, but am so grateful that they were here for and able to cherish. 

I actually don’t even remember being wheeled back into my room and set back in place. Maybe it was from all the adrenaline or maybe it was because I was simply exhausted. I thought I went to sleep right away but Abraham had kept track of all the times. We didn’t fall asleep until almost 10am. 

In between that time I texted some close friends and my family letting them know that the baby was born and she was perfect, we were both safe. I called my Grandma so I could talk to Sophia, who was staying with her at the time. Then the parents came over to visit, and there she was. So quiet and peaceful. A full head of rich, dark brown hair. I was in awe. Or maybe I was in shock. I’m not sure, but either way it was a beautiful moment. 

I don’t remember really having any time to take in the moment. We chatted for a few minutes with the parents and then the doctor came in to check on me. A little more commotion and then finally, sleep. 

The next couple days at the hospital were a bit of a blur. Oh, well, except for the fact that the first Presidential Debate of 2020 was that night. I think we all remember that glorious moment in our country’s history. I was able to experience it from the comfort of my hospital bed, with a giant cheeseburger. 

Other than that, it was your basic hospital stay. The nurses came in and out to check on me and do the standard check-ins. Got me up to walk at some point. I could do 1 full lap around the room. Woo! Took my catheter out the next morning. Gave me my meds, which were probably my favorite part. 

Oh, and thank you to the nurse who reminded me that I, “could have almost died.” We’re working that one out in therapy right now. 

The parents came over to our room to visit a couple times until they left the hospital the next morning. Since I was doing so well, I was going to be able to leave the same day, just a little bit later in the afternoon. 

Leaving the hospital was pretty anticlimactic. I was so thrilled to be able to see Sophia and get home into my own bed. We picked up my medications and got home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers from the parents. I think I ate dinner? Then, more sleep. 

Saying Goodbye

When I first met the parents, and we were all sitting around the table at the Airbnb, they asked me how I felt about  the surrogacy. I said, “It’s like a really good book that is coming to an end.” 

I didn’t expect it, but I was very emotional about this chapter of my life ending. I had truly enjoyed the entire experience. Meeting the parents, establishing legal contracts, IVF treatments, embryo transfer, pregnancy and finally, the birth. So I chose to continue to cherish every moment. 

The parents were leaving Thursday morning around 10am so we came over around 8:30 to visit with the family and see the baby. Sophia held the baby for about 30 seconds and I guess wasn’t as enamoured as the rest of us. She enjoyed her little moment with the baby and then ran off to play with their five year old son. 

At one point I was talking while the parents changed her diaper. I saw her looking around and then opened her eyes to look right at me. As I kept talking she had the faintest smile paint across her face. She knew me and she knew my voice. I’ve cherished that special moment. 

It was time for them to leave and head back to New York. We exchanged hugs and headed our separate directions. 

My heart was so unbelievably full.